It's not who you know that matters most

"it's not who you know it's who you know that likes you"

I've been writing for years about how to make our lives; fun, easy and over-flowing with abundance. Lately, I've been wondering...what is the easiest way to accomplish that? If there was just one thing that could impact our lives in a positive way, what would it be?

In search of an answer, I tried to think of who I knew that seemed to have a charmed, happy and profitable life? I could think of many people, some I knew and some I read about. So I asked myself, what do they have in common? And the answer is....."they are all likeable"

People who are likeable tend to get the best jobs, build the best companies, have more friends, better relationships and enjoy life more. Sounds good, right? But that doesn't even touch all of the benefits of being likeable. Here are a few more;

* Doctors give more time and better care to patients they like

* Likeability is the most consistent predictor of election results

* Likeable people inspire others to give more

* They get better and quicker service from retail businesses

* Likeable students get better marks from teachers

* They get forgiven quicker for misdeeds (I need that one)

* They have better physical and mental health

* Live longer and happier lives

* They are more persuasive

There's more but you get the point. Things come quicker and easier for likeable people. We favor them and do what we can to make their lives fun, easy and abundant. And this amigos is one of the biggest secrets I've ever learned...

"It isn't the choices we make about other people that makes life enjoyable, it's the choices they make about us"

There will always be the foolish few who actually prefer to go it alone. Their attitude is I don't need other people to make it. And with supreme effort, they still succeed. I'm just not one of those who wants to make any more effort than is necessary to reach my desires. If others want to help me out and make my life easier, I say welcome onboard.

Life is fun, easy and abundant when others want you to succeed because they like you. I've decided that at Edward's Happy School, the first subject taught will be....How to be more likeable! I can't think of a more important subject. My graduates will all be taught this vital skill and as a result will be world leaders in likeability.  Now that we have established that the most important skill to attain in life, is likeability, the obvious question is how?

I've been researching to provide you some answers. Appreciating my limited brain power you will have give me more time.....so come back tomorrow! I promise you some fresh insights. I might even go into more depth than the ever popular method of...buying the first round.

Smile, I really, really like you!

Confession....I use this sales tactic because it works like magic

"Reduce to the ridiculous"  

(read to the end or you'll miss the good stuff)

Imagine you go into a retail store and you see this...

Pretty irresitible, right?   And of course this is a very common tactic retailers use to part us from our money.   

Another example....

You've seen those late night commercials for the latest gizmo?   They follow a format like this...

This incredible gizmo normally retails for $120..

But wait today only you can own this marvelous technology for ONLY....$19.95
That's right only $19.99

But wait it gets better....order right now and we'll give two, that's right two of our fantastic gtizmo's for $19.99

But wait there's more....order today and we'll give you____________ for no extra charge.

This technique of 'reduce to ridiculous' is highly effective.   And we know it works because they run those annoying commercials endlessly.   They wouldn't do it if it didn't work.

Reduce to ridiculous method #2...

Car dealers and realtors use the same technique in a different way.    E.g

First they quote the regular car price.........$24,000
Then the sale price (today only)..........$21,900
Then the monthly payments .......................... $380

Or better yet weekly...................................$95

See how 'reduce to ridiculous works'?    We started talking at $24,000 and end up at only $95.    Our mind just can't stop thinking about the $95.   It's such an incredible deal. Better grab it before its gone!

Now time for me to read your mind......'ok Guru nothing new here, tell us something we didn't know?'

Reduce to ridiculous method #3

Imagine you are at one of my brilliant talks.    At the end of the talk it is time for me to pitch my best selling book?    Here's how I would do it step by step...

1.   Tell them what the book can do for them.
2.   Tell them why them would be smart to own it.
3.   Then I would say....the first question people usually ask me is...how much is your book worth?  My response....conservatively 1,000's of dollars and maybe more.
4.   A chuckle.....but I won't charge you that much
3.   Then give them a deal.....normally my book sells for $29 but today because you were so much fun its yours for only $24

So using the reduce to ridiculous principal, I started at $1,000s and ended up at $24.   The little chuckle is a signal that I'm only joking however I have still  planted a big number in their head.  

How can you use this to your advantage?

It doesn't matter whether you are selling a product or a service.  Just throw out a wild number, chuckle and then give your real price.   It will seem like they are getting a great deal.  

Non-profits could use this also.    They might start out asking for BIG donation and then reduce to ridiculous.    Start out asking foe $500 and then add but every penny counts so any donation you make will put smiles on the faces of those poor kids. 

Stated out at $500 and ended up at pennies.   Of course they know no one is going to give pennies.   It works like magic.

Note.....even if you don't use  or don't approve of the tactic, isn't it a good thing to aware of the technique when it is being used on you?   And shouldn't your family and friends be made aware of it?

 

9 traits of highly persuasive people.

 How many do you have?

1.  Constantly curious

In order to be highly persuasive you need to know everything possible about the person you are trying to persuade.  The two things most all people like to talk about are themselves and the things they like.  When you encourage others to talk about themselves they like you more.   And the more they like you the more they are likely to really listen when you do speak.    So ask a ton of questions and then be a...

2.  Great listener

The best sales people are not the fast talkers, they are the best listeners.   A rough guide line is to never talk more than 40% of the time.   Those who talk too much are not believed and make others suspicious of your intentions.

Learn to listen with your eyes.   Yeah sounds goofy but it really works and here is why?    When you watch intently you will begin to notice emotions that don't line up with their words. Paying attention to body language can give you valuable clues as what they are thinking.

The direction a person's feet are pointing will tell you where their head is.  If the feet are pointing away from you take that as a sign that they want to get away from you.   Crossed arms and leaning away from you may indicate they are not buying what you are saying.

3.  Generous

We all are pretty good at deciding who is a giver and who is a taker.    We like givers.   Giving also triggers reciprocity meaning they will feel a strong urge to give back and frequently give you more than you gave them.

A man gives a woman a sincere well thought out compliment and then asks her out on a date.   What do you think his chances of getting the date are?   Research says he has a 37% better chance of getting that date.   And guess what?   This principal can also help you make a sale.   Some people give out compliments like they were coming out their bank account.   Don't be that person.

Gift giving can cost a lot or nothing at all but the benefits can be great.   I have written extensively about the 'Rules of Reciprocity'.   It is powerful stuff.

4.  Storytellers

The most persuasive people don't have canned pitches they have great stories.   Stories are an amazing way to get past a persons resistance.   Tell a story about someone just like them had their problem and how you were able to solve it and chances are they will buy it.

5.  Light hearted 

Those who are too serious suck the energy out of us.   Serious can only be effective in time of emergency or in small doses.   We prefer to be around light hearted people.   And it is much easier to get a person who is laughing to say yes than by laying too much serious on them.

Serious people prefer the status quo.    People in light hearted mood are much more likely to try something new.  Job #1 is to start any interaction with a warm positive energy.

6.  Share the spotlight

Great persuaders are only to happy to share the spotlight and at times simply  deflect the spotlight on others.
They are the 'Public Praisers'.    They will seize every opportunity to praise others publically.   And how can you not  like someone who tells others how wonderful and talented you are?

7.   Comfort seekers

Not theirs....yours!   Great persuaders seek to make you comfortable.   They dress to make you comfortable.   They arrange to put you in situations that make you comfortable.   It's not about them, it's all about you.   Make a person comfortable and their resistance to you and your ideas dissolves.

8.  Clarify and simplify

Great persuaders know that too much information is a deal killer.   Too many choices mean no decision.  Complicated jargon is not believable.   It makes you sound salsey.   The more simple the persuasion the better the chance that it will be accepted.

Do you remember this line from the OJ Simpson trial....if the glove doesn't fit you must acquit.   That simple line won the day.    Simplify.

9.  Admit you don't know

When you admit that you don't know something or that you were wrong, what happens?   Your credibility goes sky high.   It gets interpreted as a sign that you are honest and to be trusted.   Most people won't do that and then again.....most people aren't great persuaders!


HELP.......I would love to know if you have any thoughts on other top traits for highly persuasive people?
Let me know in the comments below....thanks much appreciated!