7 simple psychological tips to be more persuasive

1.  Moods are contagious.  If you are happy and upbeat, it will put your clients in a positive mind set and make them more receptive to your pitch.

2.  Ask your client how they feel about your product, service or idea.  This will double your acceptance rate.   Asking them what they think is frequently a deal killer because this will get them into thinking about pros and cons.   Remember this...decisions are made on emotions and feelings (and then justified with logic).

3.  Don't strain the brain or interest will wane!   Simple sells and complicated (and boring) repels.  If you want them to buy, make it easy.

4.  Use open body language and plenty of gestures.   Why?  Because non verbal communication goes unfiltered.  It is accepted.

Bonus...did you know that if you are nervous, using plenty of gestures will reduce your anxiety?

5.  Where possible give choices but not too many. (see #3)

6.  Our brains think in pictures, so visuals are very valuable when it comes to selling.

7.  A confident person never has to resort to pressure tactics like demanding immediate responses and refusing to give buyers time to think about your offer.

They fully believe that what they are selling is in the best interest of their clients.  Even if you manage to make a sale using pressure tactics, the odds are greater that the will back out of the sale and they sure as heck won't recommend you to family and friends!

Note:  If you've been taught to use pressure tactics, you are doing it the hard way!   You need some training based on neuroscience and behavior economics.   I can help with that...

The 5 second trick that will dramatically improve presentations and sales pitches

What if there was a ridiculously easy way to go from feeling anxious to feeling excited when you are going to give a talk. a sales pitch or a job interview?

The simple solution is....self talk!   No, telling your self to be calm doesn't work.  Taking deep breaths doesn't work.

So what does work?
Simple.  Just tell yourself  that it's not nervousness you feel, it's excitement.   As the image states your body can't tell the difference between anxiety and excitement.  They feel the same!

So when you feel nervous before a big presentation,  an important meeting or job interview, just keep telling yourself....

Self talk secret #2

Most self talk doesn't work because your mind doesn't believe you, You tell yourself,  'I'm awesome, they're going to love me'  and your brain reminds you that you blew your last presentation.  This is the same reason why research has proven that most affirmations don't work.   Your brain doesn't believe you.   So what is the simple solution?

Talk to yourself in the 3rd person

Saying,  'Edward, you are awesome, they are going to love you'  feels like someone else is saying it and slips past your conscious brain and into your subconscious.  

Even better if you make that voice in your head sound like it's someone you love and respect.  Sometimes I pretend it's Morgan Freeman talking to me.  I love that guy's voice!  Just pick someone you would like to be your biggest fan.

Beyond the obvious..

Telling yourself  I'm  excited and repeating self talk Secret #2 multiple times before a presentation has another benefit.   It motivates you to do better.   To want to spend more time preparing. To live up to what you've telling your self.

 

How to make a killer first impression!

“First impressions are really just first feelings”

Those first feelings are sticky.   In a mere 7 seconds people will form a gut feeling about you that is hard (but not impossible) to change.  It’s either yes or no before you even get a chance to impress.  Get it right and you have a competitive advantage. Get it wrong you will be swimming up river for a long time.

Do you want to be treated as someone special and given preferential treatment?  Then here is the short cut you’ve been looking for.  Start off by creating a terrific ‘knock their socks off’ first impression. 

Master Persuaders understand that your first impression changes not just how people view you but also how they will treat you. They realize that you can have an easy opportunity to improve your sales, leadership, influence and relationships. 

Judging someone based on their appearance is superficial and not fair, but that’s life so why not take advantage of it?   

When we first meet someone we stereotype them.  That is our lazy brains way of deciding which category to put them in.   However, we can easily be fooled by a well dressed person who projects confidence and warmth. So the obvious thing is to decide since you are going to stereotyped why not decide how you want to be stereotyped?

Do you want to be stereotyped as a leader, manager, the right person for the job or a potential mate?   Decide how it is that you want to be seen and then dress. groom and carry yourself accordingly.   

The million dollar question is….how do I make a ‘knock their socks off’ first impression?

Style equals status.

When we meet someone the first thing we notice is how they dress, groom themselves and their body language.  Based on that we decide whether they are high, low status or somewhere in between. We see someone wearing expensive clothes and we assume they are wealthy and successful.  Late at night you see a scruffy looking guy in dirty baggy blue jeans with a hoody walking towards you.  What are you thinking? You pictured a low status person who just might do you harm.  Right?

Suppose you want to be seen as a leader?  The obvious question is what do leaders look like?

What you won’t see are; visible tattoo’s, cheap flashy accessories, sexy or too trendy clothing in the boardroom nor the oval office.

To be believable, you must look believable!   

A key point to remember is that the better you dress, the better you get treated.   I’m not saying you should always be wearing an Armani suit. What I am saying is that those who dress better than average will get treated  better than average.   And who wouldn’t want to be treated as some one special?

When giving a talk or presentation

Try to dress 10-20% better than your audience.   You want to be stereotyped as a leader. I always try to find out how my audience is likely to be dressed.   If I error on my judgement, I want to be on side of over dressed rather under dressed.   Just imagine what it would be like if you showed up at an important function in casual clothes only to find everyone there is dressed formally?  So my rule for important presentations or meeting is…dress like you own the bank, not like you need a loan!

Remember this; you are always being judged.  Even when you are not at work, you are being stereotyped in your casual clothing.   Imagine you are about to board a flight and the airline has decided to upgrade someone to first class.   Who do you think they will choose?  Someone that looks like they belong in first class, right?  It won’t be the guy in blue jeans and purple hair!

You will never know how many times you missed out an opportunity, got a lower level of service, ignored by a potential love interest or got a no instead of yes to your request just because someone decided you don’t look the part.

Second, how you groom yourself and take care of your body is hugely important;

Good hygiene is vital.

People with clean desks, homes and vehicles are viewed as being more intelligent, conscientious and agreeable.

Good dental hygiene is super important.   Having shiny white teeth makes people think you are healthy, desirable, high status and intelligent. Yellow crooked teeth is viewed as low status.  Bad breath means you are going to get a lot of no’s in your life.

Taking care of your body means you are healthy and will take care of everything else in your life.  

Strong perfume or after shave is a turn off to many people.   Bad body odours are a sign of low status. The extra effort it takes to groom yourself properly is actually a short cut to getting to YES!

Smile, shake and eye your way to success

A warm genuine smile causes the resistance in others to melt away like butter in a hot pan.  It’s not always easy to flash a warm genuine smile if you are nervous or anxious.  

Sincere smiles are resistance busters.   People are pretty good at detecting a phony smile.   Here is a great tip I learned from a photographer.   He said when he is about to take a picture he tells his subjects to think about someone they love deeply or a time when they were happiest.    This gives you an instant genuine smile. The same applies when you are going to meet someone or give a presentation.  You can get yourself in a good mood in an instant with this tip.  Try it?

A warm firm handshake leads to liking and trust.  A limp or wet handshake leads to…..yuck!

Here is my favourite technique for a great handshake…

Before meeting a client, I will get a hot beverage and hold it in my right hand.   Just before the handshake I will put it down or switch it to my left hand.   When we shake hands, my hand is nice and warm.   Remember, that old cliché….‘warm hands warm heart‘.   That’s what happens in the non conscious part of the other persons mind.  

And if I don’t have a hot beverage, I also have a small hand warmer.  I hold it in my right hand and a few moments before the hand shake, I slide it in my pocket.  That hand warmer is worth every damn penny I paid for it a hundred times over. 

Warm hands warm heart, causes the other person to like and trust you and it also works on a potential love interest.   You must try this because it really works!

Strong eye contact makes you appear confident.  A good guide is to always notice their eye color.  Developing this habit will ensure you making strong eye contact.

How women give away their power

A weak handshake is how women give their power away.   Don’t do that!  A strong firm handshake from a woman throws  a man’s stereotype of her off balance. Instead of viewing you as another weak woman, they suddenly think….oh, this is a woman to be taken seriously.   When I teach women how to give a good handshake most underestimate how firm they need grasp the man’s hand.   So don’t be shy and give it a damn good squeeze.  

Strong eye contact is a sign of confidence and trust worthiness.   Just don’t over due it or it will be perceived as aggressive.  It’s not a stare down, it’s a human connection.  As I said notice the color of their eyes.   That’s how you will know that you’ve looked deep into their eyes. 

Compliments.   

The ultimate compliment is your complete undivided attention.  Inattention is a turn off because distraction transmits disinterest.

People are more likely to be persuaded and say ‘yes’ when you make them  feel good about themselves and their accomplishments. 

 If you like something about a person, say something about it and why you like it. The deepest craving of human nature is to be appreciated and admired (Principle of Center of the Universe).  Most people are so starved for attention that they will happily accept any praise and even flattery.   Yet what do most people do? They give out compliments like it was coming out their personal bank account!

A sincere compliment creates instant likeability opening the door for a great first impression.  

“A good compliment is a small investment with potential for a ridiculously high return”   

Prepare to praise.  I do a Google, Linkedin or Facebook search to research a client I haven’t met.   I scan for something remarkable or some thing we have in common.  Instant likeability and connection!

Positive body language

Standing or sitting tall shows strength and confidence.  Anchor yourself with your feet shoulder distance apart (men).   Don’t close yourself off and instead have an open relaxed body posture.   I’ll get deeper into body language later in the book.

Beyond the obvious..

How you dress affects how you feel.   When you feel well dressed and groomed, it causes you to feel confident  and smarter.  And that makes you more believable.

Head tilt.  Did you know that a small tilt of the head makes you more attractive?    It also projects warmth.  This is a great tip for connecting with people.   But don’t use it if you trying to project power because it will make you look a little weaker.

Smile and nod when you say their name!  

People love to hear their name being spoken, so say it several times in every conversation.   And each time you speak their name, smile! They will take an instant take a liking to you. 

Did you know..

Blood flows easily to our extremities when we are happy and relaxed.  And when we are anxious, nervous or fearful then it is reversed and blood flows away from our hands and feet.  If you have cold and clammy hands the person you are shaking hands with will feel a desire to reject you.

Hot hands are a sign the person is relaxed and comfortable.  It gives the other person the feeling that you are a confident person.   Bonus, if you are nervous or anxious just heating up your hands will help you become more comfortable and relaxed.   

Now go ‘knock their socks off’

Fortune favours the bold

"Years from now it won't be what you did that you will regret the most.  It will be the things you didn't do"

I'll bet you a beer that there have been many times in your life when you have looked back and said to yourself....damn I wish I'd done something bold instead of playing it safe. 

It is human nature to play it safe and yet who has ever changed the world or achieved their wildest dreams by playing it safe?  

So what keeps us from doing the things we know we should do or would like to do? Mostly fear. Sometimes it's procrastination and many times we are just being a little too timid. The cure.....a decent boldness!

I say decent boldness as opposed cockiness or arrogance. A decent boldness is a reasoned decision with a slight risk taking element to it.  I say boldness as opposed to using a word like courage. Courage is a difficult word. It brings back associations for a lot of people of things like when you were bullied as a child. It's possible to be a little lacking in courage and still find some boldness. 

The good news is that boldness kicks the crap out of fear and procrastination.

Here are just a few examples of ways you can use boldness to your benefit;

*speak out when you feel an injustice
*take the first step to start a friendship
*share a thought or idea 
*ask for help
*flirt
*take a chance
*try something new
*ask for a raise
*ask for forgiveness
*start something new
*make a suggestion
*write a comment on a blog
*start a business

The list could on forever, a decent boldness is all we need to change our lives for the better. And as Virgil said...fortune belongs to the bold! We can find great fortune if we have the courage and character to make bold decisions

"It's an exciting time for those with a decent boldness"

Over a hundred years ago Goethe wrote: "whatever you can do or dream, you can do. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it"   (Smart guy)

Now if I might be so bold as to ask a favour of you...please pass this article on to someone else who might benefit from it.  Thanks!

Simple ways to create awesome ideas

Expect it to be fun. 

This small change in your mindset can make a big difference. Expecting it will be fun makes it much easier for you to find the fun side of practically anything..

Be constantly curious

Whenever you deal with a topic, create questions in your mind. Find answers and then raise new questions. Questions keep your mind engaged. They can change your learning process from something dull to a treasure hunt.

Create a challenge

By creating a challenge, you will want to prove to yourself (and perhaps to others) that you can make it. One good way to do that is by creating a project. Build something real out of what you learn. Another way is to create a contest with your friends to find out who can do something faster or better.

Connect to what you already know

Things will be more exciting if you can connect what you’re learning to what you already know. Why? Because that improves your understanding of the world and allows you to see new possibilities you’ve never realized before.

Diversify

 Avoid boredom and find new possibilities by exploring new topics. Read books in new genres. Meet people with different professions. Add variety to your life.

What if there was a fun easy way to get what you want?



What if I told you that there is no need to work hard, sacrifice and delay gratification till some distant time in the future?  What if I told you that selling was meant to be fun, easy and abundant?   

What if I told you that asking hypothetical questions could influence how other people will act? The way that you ask questions can be highly persuasive especially if the question starts with the words, ‘what if.’    

Why it works…

The brain processes‘what if’ as if it isn’t even there.   So people are processing your question as if it were fact according to recent research from the University of Alberta.  Think about that?

Lets have some fun and run through a few examples of how you might use this seductively simple persuasion technique..

1)  A realtor wants to get a listing on a home.

E.G.   “What if I told you that I could get your home sold quicker and for more money by using our companies  unique marketing system?”

Why it works?    

If you dropped the ‘what if’  and just said, ‘I can sell your home quicker for more money by using our unique marketing system.’   The client would most likely be thinking to herself…‘yeah right, that’s what they all say’.  

 But if you precede the statement with ‘what if’  then the client allows the information into her brain without resistance and wonders to herself how might that be possible?  The realtor now has an open door to continue the persuasion because she is now considering it as a possibility. 

2)  You want a client to sign up for your weight loss program.

E.G.   What if you could lose 20 lbs before Christmas and you could eat as much as you like?

Why it works? 

Again it gets past the resistance by not phrasing it in a way that would be perceived as a sales pitch.   The client can’t help but imagine it being possible to lose those 20 lbs by Christmas.   Remember you haven’t directly asked for the sale you have just proposed a possibility.   The clients response will dictate how you react.   If you’ve gained their interest with your ‘what if’ question the sale is half done.   

3)   The car sales person says, what if we could get the financing approved this afternoon and you could drive that beautiful SUV home today?

Why it works?

The buyer might start imagining his jealous friends reactions to his beautiful new machine.  Or the feeling of pride driving home and parking it in front of his home for all the neighbours to admire. In short, the ’what if’ question causes him to mentally take ownership of the car.  

Of course this will only work if your ’what if’ question is received as credible and plausible.  

Will this work all of the time?   No, nothing works all of the time despite what the self help Guru’s try to peddle us.  But you will be surprised how often it works like magic.   

Beyond the obvious..

Using ‘what if’ questions is a beautiful way to avoid flat out rejection because it is only a ‘what if’.   If you don’t get a yes, you can re-phrase it and try again a little later.

What if you were to hit the facebook share button below, because it would make me happier than a mosquito at a nudist camp?



The Magical Power Of Praise

The Magical Power Of Praise

"The power of a good compliment is limited only by its lack of use"

A good compliment is a wonderful gift that costs the giver nothing and  makes both the receiver and giver feel good.    It can also make you more like-able and lead to;  friendship, love and new business opportunities.

When you make someone feel good about themselves, they will credit you giving them a good feeling.  It is  a gift that triggers reciprocity.   Reciprocity is when you feel the need to repay a gift, kindness or favour and often with something greater than what you got.  This doesn't happen all of the time but frequent enough that it is a terrific investment.



"Most people give out compliments like it was coming straight out of their bank account"

We all have three great emotional needs;  acceptance, appreciation and attention.   A good compliment can fill all of those needs.   So why be stingy?   Knowing how to deliver a terrific and timely compliment can be good for business and even make you a better human being.   In any relationship (personal or business) a sincere compliment is the applause that refreshes.   

Prepare to praise and prepare to be rewarded for it   

A good compliment should be in your tool box of persuasion techniques.   It can lower a client's resistance instantly and cause them to give you a serious look.   It's hard to find a rapport building technique that works faster than a compliment, so why not prepare to praise.  Before you next big client meeting ask yourself, what can I compliment them on?   Knowing what you are going to say ahead of time will make it easier for you to slip  it into the flow of the conversation.   
  
A business building compliment

Done right this is a form of a compliment that most don't think of but can be very productive.   Ask for advice.   Asking for advice is a way of saying that the other person has expertise above and beyond others.   It causes the other person to think better of you, since you were obviously smart enough to seek their wise counsel.    Just don't make the mistake of asking for advice on something the other person is not  great at.   Then their estimation of you can drop. 

A terrific first impression

If you know you are about to be introduced to someone, scan for something to compliment them on.   Instant like-ability!    Imagine you are being introduced to a guy and he say's something like this,  'I'm really happy to meet you Mary, I couldn't help but notice that everyone here seems to  hold you in such high respect.'   How could you not like someone who says that?

One more thing...

Always use their name when giving a compliment.   We love to hear people say our name.    It personalizes the compliment and increases it's attention getting powers.   Most people don't think to do this but then you are not most people, right? 

How to build your business and become a better person?

Compliment everyone!  Don't just save your compliments for important people or people who can help you. Remember what I said earlier?    Some people throw around compliments like it was coming out of their bank account.    A compliment is a gift, it costs nothing so be generous.   

Some folks go through life rarely hearing any kind of praise.   That's kind of sad.   So make the world a better and kinder place by looking for something/anything to praise others for.  Make it a habit because it will make you a better person in the process.  Be the one that others see as kind and generous.   It cost nothing and yet can make someone's day.  

Compliment the President of the company and the beggar on the street because it will make their day and yours too!   Make it a habit.  If you like something, say something!

Advice from John Gottman the expert on making relationships last

Gottman's research has identified the magic ration of 5 to 1.    For every criticism you need to have 5 positive things to say to your spouse in order to maintain a long term happy relationship.   I'm thinking this is not only good advice for couples but for your employees, customers and peers as well.  

5 compliments a day makes your troubles go away

Ok, I just made that up however it makes good sense to me.   We need to make praise a habit.   So practice on everyone and judge for yourself the results?   I tried this for 30 days and here is what I witnessed...

*  People seemed happier to see me

*  I made a lot of people smile

* Clients lost their resistance to hearing my ideas and proposals (more persuasive).

*  People like to do things for me! 

* I was called;  charming, nice, kind (and a flirt) 

Compliments make you appear self confident

A person without confidence will rarely if ever hand out a compliment.   They don't want to draw attention to themselves.  A confident person values his own opinion and that's what you show when you give a compliment, confidence!

Did you know..

That a request preceded by a compliment increases the  percentages of getting what you want by 16%?  So if you are in business or sales you can give yourself a 16% pay increase by mastering the practice of giving compliments.  Let that sink in!

So what have we learned?

1.  A good compliment is a gift

2.  Prepare to praise

3.  Compliments can help you make a terrific first impression

4.  Always attach their first name to the compliment

5.  Compliment everyone (it's good for business and your soul)

6.  The magical ratio for relationships is 5 compliments to 1 criticism

7.  The giver of compliments appears to be self confident


BONUS..  You may be perceived as a flirt!   (that's ok I can deal with that...haha)