“First impressions are really just first feelings”
Those first feelings are sticky. In a mere 7 seconds people will form a gut feeling about you that is hard (but not impossible) to change. It’s either yes or no before you even get a chance to impress. Get it right and you have a competitive advantage. Get it wrong you will be swimming up river for a long time.
Do you want to be treated as someone special and given preferential treatment? Then here is the short cut you’ve been looking for. Start off by creating a terrific ‘knock their socks off’ first impression.
Master Persuaders understand that your first impression changes not just how people view you but also how they will treat you. They realize that you can have an easy opportunity to improve your sales, leadership, influence and relationships.
Judging someone based on their appearance is superficial and not fair, but that’s life so why not take advantage of it?
When we first meet someone we stereotype them. That is our lazy brains way of deciding which category to put them in. However, we can easily be fooled by a well dressed person who projects confidence and warmth. So the obvious thing is to decide since you are going to stereotyped why not decide how you want to be stereotyped?
Do you want to be stereotyped as a leader, manager, the right person for the job or a potential mate? Decide how it is that you want to be seen and then dress. groom and carry yourself accordingly.
The million dollar question is….how do I make a ‘knock their socks off’ first impression?
Style equals status.
When we meet someone the first thing we notice is how they dress, groom themselves and their body language. Based on that we decide whether they are high, low status or somewhere in between. We see someone wearing expensive clothes and we assume they are wealthy and successful. Late at night you see a scruffy looking guy in dirty baggy blue jeans with a hoody walking towards you. What are you thinking? You pictured a low status person who just might do you harm. Right?
Suppose you want to be seen as a leader? The obvious question is what do leaders look like?
What you won’t see are; visible tattoo’s, cheap flashy accessories, sexy or too trendy clothing in the boardroom nor the oval office.
To be believable, you must look believable!
A key point to remember is that the better you dress, the better you get treated. I’m not saying you should always be wearing an Armani suit. What I am saying is that those who dress better than average will get treated better than average. And who wouldn’t want to be treated as some one special?
When giving a talk or presentation
Try to dress 10-20% better than your audience. You want to be stereotyped as a leader. I always try to find out how my audience is likely to be dressed. If I error on my judgement, I want to be on side of over dressed rather under dressed. Just imagine what it would be like if you showed up at an important function in casual clothes only to find everyone there is dressed formally? So my rule for important presentations or meeting is…dress like you own the bank, not like you need a loan!
Remember this; you are always being judged. Even when you are not at work, you are being stereotyped in your casual clothing. Imagine you are about to board a flight and the airline has decided to upgrade someone to first class. Who do you think they will choose? Someone that looks like they belong in first class, right? It won’t be the guy in blue jeans and purple hair!
You will never know how many times you missed out an opportunity, got a lower level of service, ignored by a potential love interest or got a no instead of yes to your request just because someone decided you don’t look the part.
Second, how you groom yourself and take care of your body is hugely important;
Good hygiene is vital.
People with clean desks, homes and vehicles are viewed as being more intelligent, conscientious and agreeable.
Good dental hygiene is super important. Having shiny white teeth makes people think you are healthy, desirable, high status and intelligent. Yellow crooked teeth is viewed as low status. Bad breath means you are going to get a lot of no’s in your life.
Taking care of your body means you are healthy and will take care of everything else in your life.
Strong perfume or after shave is a turn off to many people. Bad body odours are a sign of low status. The extra effort it takes to groom yourself properly is actually a short cut to getting to YES!
Smile, shake and eye your way to success
A warm genuine smile causes the resistance in others to melt away like butter in a hot pan. It’s not always easy to flash a warm genuine smile if you are nervous or anxious.
Sincere smiles are resistance busters. People are pretty good at detecting a phony smile. Here is a great tip I learned from a photographer. He said when he is about to take a picture he tells his subjects to think about someone they love deeply or a time when they were happiest. This gives you an instant genuine smile. The same applies when you are going to meet someone or give a presentation. You can get yourself in a good mood in an instant with this tip. Try it?
A warm firm handshake leads to liking and trust. A limp or wet handshake leads to…..yuck!
Here is my favourite technique for a great handshake…
Before meeting a client, I will get a hot beverage and hold it in my right hand. Just before the handshake I will put it down or switch it to my left hand. When we shake hands, my hand is nice and warm. Remember, that old cliché….‘warm hands warm heart‘. That’s what happens in the non conscious part of the other persons mind.
And if I don’t have a hot beverage, I also have a small hand warmer. I hold it in my right hand and a few moments before the hand shake, I slide it in my pocket. That hand warmer is worth every damn penny I paid for it a hundred times over.
Warm hands warm heart, causes the other person to like and trust you and it also works on a potential love interest. You must try this because it really works!
Strong eye contact makes you appear confident. A good guide is to always notice their eye color. Developing this habit will ensure you making strong eye contact.
How women give away their power
A weak handshake is how women give their power away. Don’t do that! A strong firm handshake from a woman throws a man’s stereotype of her off balance. Instead of viewing you as another weak woman, they suddenly think….oh, this is a woman to be taken seriously. When I teach women how to give a good handshake most underestimate how firm they need grasp the man’s hand. So don’t be shy and give it a damn good squeeze.
Strong eye contact is a sign of confidence and trust worthiness. Just don’t over due it or it will be perceived as aggressive. It’s not a stare down, it’s a human connection. As I said notice the color of their eyes. That’s how you will know that you’ve looked deep into their eyes.
Compliments.
The ultimate compliment is your complete undivided attention. Inattention is a turn off because distraction transmits disinterest.
People are more likely to be persuaded and say ‘yes’ when you make them feel good about themselves and their accomplishments.
If you like something about a person, say something about it and why you like it. The deepest craving of human nature is to be appreciated and admired (Principle of Center of the Universe). Most people are so starved for attention that they will happily accept any praise and even flattery. Yet what do most people do? They give out compliments like it was coming out their personal bank account!
A sincere compliment creates instant likeability opening the door for a great first impression.
“A good compliment is a small investment with potential for a ridiculously high return”
Prepare to praise. I do a Google, Linkedin or Facebook search to research a client I haven’t met. I scan for something remarkable or some thing we have in common. Instant likeability and connection!
Positive body language
Standing or sitting tall shows strength and confidence. Anchor yourself with your feet shoulder distance apart (men). Don’t close yourself off and instead have an open relaxed body posture. I’ll get deeper into body language later in the book.
Beyond the obvious..
How you dress affects how you feel. When you feel well dressed and groomed, it causes you to feel confident and smarter. And that makes you more believable.
Head tilt. Did you know that a small tilt of the head makes you more attractive? It also projects warmth. This is a great tip for connecting with people. But don’t use it if you trying to project power because it will make you look a little weaker.
Smile and nod when you say their name!
People love to hear their name being spoken, so say it several times in every conversation. And each time you speak their name, smile! They will take an instant take a liking to you.
Did you know..
Blood flows easily to our extremities when we are happy and relaxed. And when we are anxious, nervous or fearful then it is reversed and blood flows away from our hands and feet. If you have cold and clammy hands the person you are shaking hands with will feel a desire to reject you.
Hot hands are a sign the person is relaxed and comfortable. It gives the other person the feeling that you are a confident person. Bonus, if you are nervous or anxious just heating up your hands will help you become more comfortable and relaxed.
Now go ‘knock their socks off’
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